Do-doo-doo-do-do
- Billy Dilley - We're subterranean
- Billy Dilley - You're such a brainy kid
- Billy Dilley - It's fascinating how
- Billy Dilley - It's complicated now
- Billy Dilley - Situation critical
- Billy Dilley - I hope it's fixable
- Billy Dilley - Oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Billy Dilley
- Excellent shot, Master. (CHORTLES) - Yes, yes, I know, Thurston.
What else should we hit, Master?
Oh, how about... (LAUGHS)
Blast it all, Thurston.
There's an entire world out there not covered in sludge.
I need to soil something beyond this yard.
- But, Master, Mother says... - Not now, Thurston.
Look at that crystal. All shiny and clean.
- MRS. WRETCHER: Raymond! - (GROANS)
No sludging outside the yard!
COUNT WRETCHER: (MUTTERS ANGRILY)
Thurston, I can't stand one more day cooped up in this castle.
If I could take my sludge cannon to the surface world,
oh, I'd finally be free from Mother's prying eyes.
And the only way I'm getting up there
is with that red-headed buffoon Billy Dilley's Cheeserator.
But he hasn't fixed it yet.
Perhaps it's time we changed that.
BOTH: (LAUGH, SIGH)
BILLY: Boop.
Now, Billy Jr.,
I think I hear your friends inside
doing something super exciting.
Hi, Zeke, what's cooking?
BILLY: (IMITATING ZEKE) Oh, just my signature green eggs and bacon.
BILLY: (AS HIMSELF) Mouth watering.
How about you, Marsha?
BILLY: (IMITATING MARSHA) I'm putting the finishing...
Mouth watering.
- COUNT WRETCHER: Hello, Billy. - BILLY: (YELPS)
Careful, Count Wretcher.
I've been working on this diorama day and night.
This represents all the fun times
me, Zeke and Marsha have had here in Subterranea-Tania.
But what ever happened to fixing the Cheeserator?
Oh, yeah, this place is filled with natural resources
critical to the build.
(SNORING)
This sticky Dimetrodon pit sweat makes the perfect adhesive! Eh!
- BILLY: Ow! - (THUD)
And I also found these nifty sheets of algae.
What part of the Cheeserator are they for?
None, but they make the perfect slippy slide.
Slippy slide?
- Did somebody say slippy slide? - MARSHA: (LAUGHING)
- BILLY: Hey, Count, why don't you join us? - (SPUTTERING)
- COUNT WRETCHER: (COUGHS) - ALL: (LAUGHING)
It's slip-slidey fun.
Fun? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Bah, what a preposterous idea!
- ALL: Oh, come on, Count. Have some fun. - MARSHA: Oh, come on!
Look, I really can't, okay?
I have many serious responsibilities, I have to attend to.
- Ooh, that sounds important. - Very important.
Like what?
- What are they? - Things like... like...
Can we hear a couple?
What would they specifically be?
Super important Count-type things, all right?
- What is it with all your fun and games? - There goes a busy man.
COUNT WRETCHER: Look at them, Thurston, giggling, cavorting, frolicking.
At this rate, they'll never fix the Cheeserator.
They're having too much fun.
Perhaps, Master, there's a way we could make their lives much more...
- un-fun. - That's a great idea!
Thurston, I don't know why everyone says you're so dumb.
- (SCREECHES) - The ear-bursting screech nettle.
Once Billy gets an earful of this,
he'll come running out of that door to fix the Cheeserator.
Excellent plan, Master.
(RAUCOUS SCREECHES)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
COUNT WRETCHER: Any second now.
What is taking so long?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi, Count Wretcher. Didn't notice you there, yeah.
Just over here listening and moving to some of my favorite sounds ever.
It's some field recordings I made of the ear-bursting screech nettle.
COUNT WRETCHER: (GROANS)
Hey, who says I'm dumb?
- BILLY: (EXCLAIMS) - (GROWLS)
A sea serpent!
It's working, Thurston. Look at him run.
BILLY: (GRUNTING)
What did I tell you? One look at this sea serpent...
BOTH: ...and it's good-bye, Billy.
Hello, sea serpent.
- BOTH: (GIGGLE) - BILLY: Fascinating.
Huh?
I always wanted to see a sea serpent up close.
BILLY: (SCREAMING)
- BOTH: (LAUGH) - (THUD)
Count Wretcher? Thurston?
You guys were eaten by the sea serpent, too?
Don't worry, guys, I'll get us out of here. (GRUNTS)
- No, no, no! - (WATER GUSHING)
- ALL: (GURGLING) - (WATER BUBBLING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
COUNT WRETCHER: Oh, Thurston,
perhaps we've been kidding ourselves.
Could it be my dreams of world sludge domination
were just that?
Am I never to leave the confines of these four walls
and the ever-present gaze of Mother to take flight on my own?
Raymond, my ointment!
Yes, Mother.
Oh, no!
- Not today, Mother! - (MUFFLED SCREAMING)
No one tells me where to sludge!
COUNT WRETCHER: (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
Agatha, do your worst!
- AGATHA: (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)
MARSHA: Hmm?
COUNT WRETCHER: (LAUGHING)
Are you enjoying the breeze, brats?
Hey, guys, you ready to go camping?
Ooh, looks like we don't even need to leave the house
to appreciate the outdoors.
- BOTH: You're right. - Nice. (LAUGHS)
Camping?
What do I have to do to get you to want to leave?
Leave? Why would I wanna leave?
I have all my fun memories right here.
My diorama!
Everything is ruined. All the memories broken. (SOBS)
BILLY: (CRIES) All those fun times...
gone forever.
Hey, don't worry. We can make more fun times.
I wanted those fun times, understand?
If those fun times are gone,
I don't wanna make any more fun times here.
BILLY: (SOBS)
He's right, you know.
This place is stained with broken memories.
It will never be the same again.
But, you know where you can have more fun times, Billy?
Back on the surface, where you belong.
BILLY: (SNIFFLES) The surface?
The fun times you've had in Subterranea-Tania
will pale in comparison to what you can have on the surface.
- You think? - Oh, yes.
So what do you say we fix that Cheeserator,
and head back to the surface?
- BILLY AND MARSHA: Yeah! - ZEKE: All right!
COUNT WRETCHER: (LAUGHS)
Huh, well, I must hand it to you kids.
The Cheeserator looks good as new.
All right, guys, to the surface...
And by we, you must mean me!
(LAUGHS) So long, saps!
- (ENGINE RATTLES) - COUNT WRETCHER: (LAUGHS)
I'm pretty sure I never said we.
BOTH: He stole our Cheeserator.
Hold on, guys, hold on. (GRUNTS)
Ah! I have a plan.
A plan to get that Cheeserator back?
I got much bigger ideas.
I'll just grab my sludge cannon, and head straight to the surface world.
Ye... what's this now?
BILLY: "Hi, Count Wretcher. Sorry, but we took your sludge cannon.
"We'd like to exchange it for the Cheeserator.
"Meet us at the lagoon at dusk...
"No, at noon... no, at dusk and we'll make a fair swap.
"Forever yours..."
COUNT WRETCHER: (SCREAMS) Billy Dilley!!
All right, Billy Dilley. Here's your Cheeserator.
- Now where's my sludge cannon? - Oh, you'll see it soon enough.
You wanna play hardball, I see. Fine. Take your dumb keys back.
- Just give me my sludge cannon. - As you wish.
COUNT WRETCHER: (YELPS)
Roll out the algae.
What are you... (YELPS)
Oh! Not the slippy slide!!
BILLY: (EXCLAIMS) I'll race you, Count.
When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna...
BOTH: (SCREAMING)
COUNT WRETCHER: (LAUGHS)
What's happening to me? (LAUGHS)
You're having fun, Count. Everybody needs to have fun some time.
You know what, Billy?
I like having fun!
COUNT WRETCHER: (GRUNTS)
Not the Cheeserator! Quick, it's not too late to save it.
MRS. WRETCHER: Raymond Wretcher!
Stop playing with your friends!
You march straight home, and put that house down.
COUNT WRETCHER: (SCREAMS)
COUNT WRETCHER: Blast you, Billy Dilley.
Just you wait till I get out from under here.
Don't worry, Count.
The fun times you think we could've had on the surface
will pale in comparison to what we can have down here.
COUNT WRETCHER: (SOBS)
For instance, we could tell stories to each other. I'll go first.
Only a few more supplies needed, and I'll be totally prepared
for tomorrow's rafting trip with Marsha and Zeke.
Vertical structure material. Hmm...
MALE VOICE: Ow!
Hi there. My name's Billy Dilley. What's your name?
(FLIES BUZZ AROUND)
Fascinating. Why don't I call you Jared?
You got any friends, Jared?
I got a couple.
Wanna come over?
Why don't you come over and meet 'em?
Uh, okay.
Zeke, Marsha, meet Jared.
BOTH: Hi, Jared.
JARED: (RETCHES)
No, no, that's okay. Zeke does that all the time.
You guys get to know each other. I'm gonna go make us some smoothies.
Huh, I sure am lucky
that I can share my new friend with my old friends
in hopes that one day, he will become my newer old friend.
Almost ready!
Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin'
Oh, my darlin'...
Yeah, here's the smoothies they came out a little...
JARED: And so, I says to the guy,
that's not a swamp, that's a puddle.
- (LAUGHS) - Tell another one, Jared.
Oh, oh, I know a joke.
Well, let's hear it, Billy.
Uh... what did the finger say to the thumb?
JARED AND BILLY: I'm in glove with you.
- ZEKE AND MARSHA: (LAUGH) - Thanks, I'm glad...
- ZEKE: Good one, Jared. - MARSHA: You are so funny, Jared.
Oh. Yeah, good one, Jared. Much funnier when you say it.
Yeah, for being a seven-legged swamp creature,
you sure are good at jokes.
Jokes maybe, but how about juggling?
BILLY: (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY, GRUNTS)
- Billy! - Yeah, what gives, Billy?
I was just... I don't know, I was juggling,
and Jared just kind of popped up out of nowhere,
and messed me up, and... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
I think maybe I should go.
Yeah, that's... that's probably for the best.
Jared, you can't go outside like that.
ZEKE: Yeah, you'll catch the night flu.
No, he won't. He'll be fine. He'll be okay.
Besides, don't forget our super special rafting trip we had planned for tomorrow.
It's gonna be super special.
- Eh, we can go rafting any time, Billy. - Yeah.
- (GLASS SHATTER) - Eh, I guess so.
Gee, Billy, your friends really are great. Thanks for having me over.
Yeah, okay. Good night, Jared.
Hey, guys, since we're not doing rafting today,
I thought of some other fun activities we could all do together instead. (GRUNTS)
Oh, what's this?
"Dear Billy, we didn't want to wake you,
"but we realized you were right about how special the rafting trip was,
"so Zeke and myself went rafting with Jared.
"Love, Zeke and Marsha."
So that's how it is.
Well, two can play at that game.
I mean, three can play at that game.
No, wait, four can... Oh, you know what I mean.
Yeah, that whitewater part after Creeton's Bend was...
Oh, hey, guys. Were you out somewhere? I didn't even notice you were gone.
We went rafting after all. It was...
What is that?
Oh, that's just Gregory.
- My new best friend Gregory. - GREGORY: (SNORING)
We had such an incredible day together.
We're so wiped out. It's really... ah.
He looks kinda... not good.
Um, no, he's sleeping
from all the super special activity we had.
- Aren't you, Gregory? - GREGORY: (SNORES)
- I said, aren't you, Gregory? - GREGORY: (GRUNTS)
Gregory, time to wake up, Gregory.
- BILLY: (BLOWS) - GREGORY: (GROWLS)
Uh...
He has anxiety sometimes.
Aw, come on, Billy. Let's all do something together.
I don't wanna do anything with him.
- Well, what do you mean? - Yeah, what's the matter with Jared?
Well, for starters, he's... he's, uh...
- he's... he's a thief. - BOTH: A thief?
Exhibit A. One empty, fully eaten jar of Zeke's
extra crunchy, no salt or preservatives added cashew butter.
Exhibit B. Evidence of said Zeke's extra crunchy
no salt or preservative added cashew butter.
I submit that this individual, Jared, is the perpetrator responsible.
Take him away.
Billy, it's totally cool.
I told him he could eat the cashew butter.
Oh, so, that's how it is.
Jared eats here, Jared sleeps here.
Why don't you just have Jared move in here?
Billy, that's a great idea!
ALL: (LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
Ooh, that Jared!
BILLY: (GRUNTS)
BILLY: (LAUGHS)
You're right, Billy. I can see my house from here.
Quite comfy for an observation deck.
Nothing but the best for my good friend!
Yes!
Oh, no! (YELPS)
BILLY: (GASPING) Help! S.O.S!
Zeke, Marsha!
I've done a terrible thing.
BOTH: Surprise!
What do you think of your new, double-decker
custom-made just for Billy raft?
R... raft?
- It was all Jared's idea. - When we went to go rafting with Jared,
we were really building you your new raft, and didn't want you to find out.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh, hey, guys.
- What happened, Jared? - Yeah, man, are you okay?
BILLY: (BAWLING)
- It's all my fault! - BOTH: Your fault?
You guys started liking Jared more than me,
and he became your best friend,
and I tried to make you notice me and like me,
but it didn't really work, so I tried to get rid of him.
BILLY: (SOBS)
But Billy, nobody's more important to us than you.
Huh?
Yeah, buddy. Like, we'd never replace you with anyone.
Can you forgive me?
BOTH: Of course, we forgive you.
- BILLY: (CRIES) - Aw, that's better. Let it all out.
And you, Jared.
- Could you ever forgive me? - Of course, Billy.
But, uh, why don't you pour this barbecue sauce on yourself first?
Why would I do that?
I prefer to moisturize with mayonnaise and mustard.
That's how I get my hair and skin this silky smooth.
I'm glad you asked.
You see, when I hit my head on that huge stalactite,
I suddenly remembered what I was doing when you found me.
Turns out I'm a hideous flesh-eating monster,
and I was setting a trap for unsuspecting prey,
when I hit my head so hard that I forgot who I was,
or what my dietary preferences were.
- Until now! (GROWLS) - ALL: (SCREAMING)
- (MUSIC PLAYING) - (RECORD SKIPPING)
(NEEDLE SCRATCHING)
Zeke, Marsha, follow me.
Hurry!
JARED: (LAUGHS)
Nice try, Billy Dilley. Shame you can't reach the control lever.
Well, guys, I guess this is it.
Now, eenie, meenie, meinie, mo.
JARED: (SCREAMING)
ALL: (CLAMORING)
ALL: Anaximander!
You saved us, buddy!
ALL: (CHEERING)
BILLY: Well, Zeke and Marsha,
regardless of the whole Jared ordeal,
and no matter who we meet during our fabulous adventures,
you'll always be my pals!
MARSHA: (CHUCKLES) That sounds really good, Billy Dilley.
Almost as good as eating these swamp jelly sandwiches. (LAUGHS)
BILLY: (CHOMPS)
BILLY: (CHUCKLES) The only thing that Jared is eating today is "airplane food."
ALL: (LAUGH)
JARED: (LAUGHS) Airplane food. That's a good one.
I said you've got the wrong number
For the right guy
I'll do the job for you Just pay the price
Run, run, run away Baby, stick to the plan
Whoo, hoo Run, run, run away
Catch me if you can